As the rains hit Mumbai

Its that time of the year again when the rains hit Mumbai. What happens? Read on to find out:
As the rains hit Mumbai,
Everything around turns green, including the building walls from algae ;-)
Roads resemble the surface of the moon, ISRO, are you interested?
Tracks get flooded inspite of best efforts from the Railways....you feel like you're in a boat rather than a train!
Traffic jams become longer...One can walk on top of the stationary cars from Bandra right upto Andheri!
Flights get delayed....And you wait endlessly to "Simplifly" :-)
Half of Mumbai can be found at Lonavla on any given weekend!!
Chai & Bhajiyas become everyone's favourite snack....Mc Donald's & Pizza Hut be damned!!
Snails and earthworms become regular visitors; mom-in-law stays away. (hah!)
Roger Federer wins another match at Wimbledon; and Sania Mirza loses another.......

MRF Rainday

Every year, the tyre manufacturing company - MRF publishes its predicition in the Times Of India for the start of the monsoon in Mumbai. This is popularly known as "MRF Rainday". Their idea is that people should change to MRF tyres before the MRF Rainday to ensure that their vehicles are geared for the monsoon. Great idea, except for the fact that the MRF Rainday prediction falls flat on its face every single year! :-) If the rain does not arrive even on the MRF Rainday, their ad slyly changes to announce, "You still have time to change to MRF tyres!!" Very clever ain't it?

This year too, MRF has been predicting "Rainday" in the TOI. The Rainday this year is June 4th. And as their luck would have had it, rains have hit Mumbai much before that!! Its funny because MRF has taken this in their stride and termed the rains as "passing showers". MRF Rainday still remains at June 4th, their advertisement screams!

However, proper monsoon has hit Mumbai as early as May 30th. And who better than Times of India to announce the arrival of monsoon. Hehe....

Monsoon sets over Mumbai; heavy rains predicted

So, as is the tradition, MRF Rainday has failed again! I think its best that MRF stick to what they do best - maufacture tyres rather than playing weatherman! C'mon, the Weather Bureau has been in the weather predicting business for decades now and they still haven't got it right ;-)

Nothing Else Matters - Metallica

Nothing Else Matters

So close no matter how far
Couldn't be much more from the heart
Forever trusting who we are
and nothing else matters.

Never opened myself this way
Life is ours we live it our way
All these words I don't just say
and nothing else matters.

Trust I seek and I find in you
Everyday for us something new
Open mind for a different view
and nothing else matters.

Never cared for what they do
Never cared for what they know
But I know.

So close no matter how far
Couldn't be much more from the heart
Forever trusting who we are
and nothing else matters.

Never cared for what they do
Never cared for what they know
But I know.

Never opened myself this way
Life is ours we live it our way
All these words I don't just say
and nothing else matters.

Trust I seek and I find in you
Everyday for us something new
Open mind for a different view
and nothing else matters.

Never cared for what they say
Never cared for games they play
Never cared for what they do
Never cared for what they know
and I know.....Yeah!

So close no matter how far
Couldn't be much more from the heart
Forever trusting who we are
No nothing else matters.

Quotas everywhere

What will happen if the quota system proposed by the UPA goverment is applied everywhere?

Here are a few examples:

We will have reservations for public toilets. 50% of all Sulabh Shauchalayas will be reserved for the backward classes. You better not pee in a reserved toilet or else.....

50% of coaches in local trains will be reserved too! This means 4.5 coaches in a 9 coach local and 6 coaches in a 12 coach local.

Ladies coaches will be reserved too! So, quarter of a coach will be reserved for ladies first class for backward classes. Hehe....

50% of all autorickshaws and taxis will be reserved too! These will be differently coloured for easy identification. The colour "blue" will be used to differentiate them! Rings a bell??

50% flats in a housing society will be alloted only to a person from a backward caste! And these can only be rented out to a backward caste person.

50% of rooms in all 5-star hotels will be reserved for backward classes. After all the poor people from the backward classes are also entitled to five-star luxury aren't they?

50% of all shares in an IPO will be alloted to people from the backward classes. So, companies like Reliance, ONGC, Jet Airways, etc will be half owned by the backward classes.

50% of road-space will also belong to the backward classes. You will face a stiff penalty if you dare to drive in a reserved lane!! Lol......

50% seats in all future Indian manned space missions will be reserved for people from the backward classes

With so much at stake, your caste certificate will become more important than your ration card or even passport! Speaking of which, 50% of all Indian passports granted each year will only be given to people from the backward classes!!!

Hail Arjun Singh....

Famous Bollywood one liners!

Over the years, we must have seen hundreds of Hindi blockbusters. Comedy, action, drama, tragedy, these movies have left an impact on us. Here are some of Bollywood's best known one-liners.

The Big B - Amitabh Bacchan in Shahenshah: "Rishte me to hum tumhare baap hote hain, naam hai Shahenshah!"

Amrish Puri in Mr. India: "Mogambo khush hua!"

A classic from Ajit" "Saara shehar mujhe LOIN ke naame se jaanta hain!"

A classic one from a scorned heroine that can send a shiver down a hero's spine: "main tumhaare bachche ki maa banne waali hoon!"

Big B again in Sholay: "Tumhara naam kya hai, Basanti?"

Amjad Khan as Gabbar in Sholay: "Jo dar gaya samjho mar gaya!"

Dharam paaji in a fit of rage: "Kutte, main tera khoon pee jaaonga!"

Doctor after emerging from an operation theater: " Ab Sab oopar waale key haath mein hai"

Gabbar again: "So ja bete, so ja, nahin to Gabbar aa jaaega!"

Police inspector to villain and his henchmen: " Apne aap ko police ke hawaale kar do. Police ne chaaron taraf se tumhe gher liya hai!"

Big B in Don: "Don ko pakadna mushkil hi nahin, naamumkin hai!"

Asrani in Sholay: "Hum Angrezon ke zamaane ke jailor hain!"
"Aadhe idhar jaao, aadhe udhar jaao, baaki hamare saath aao!"

One more from the Big B in Mard: "Jo mard hota hai, use dard nahi hota!"

Another classic one from a heroine: " Khabardaar jo mujhe haath bhi lagayaa .."

Shakti Kapoor in Andaz Apna Apna: "Mera naam hai Crime Master Gogo, aankhen nikaal ke gotiyan khelta hoon!"

Utpal Dutt to his daughter in Golmaal" Tumhari shaadi usse nahin hogi jisse tum pyaar karti ho, balki usse hogi jisse main pyaar karta hoon."

Dharam paaji again before all hell breaks loose: " Chun Chun ke maaroonga, ek-ek ko chun chun ke maroonga "

This one's hilarious and my personal favourite:

Villain Ajit to one of his henchmen: Ise liquid oxygen me daal do. Liquid ise jeene nahi dega aur oxygen ise marne nahi dega!

Hail Bollywood!!

Hindi phrases and their literal translations!

Hindi phrases when literally translated into English turn out to be quite funny. I am sure you must have heard of the phrase - we're like this only literally translated from hum aaise hi hain. Here are some more. Enjoy!

chori chori chupke chupke - robbery robbery secretly secretly

subah subah dimaag mat ghumaa - morning morning dont turn head

Mujhe maaloom hi nahi hai - I'm not knowing only

kuch kuch hota hai - something something happens

Mere peeche peeche mat aao - Dont come behind behind me

Tum isme apna dimaag mat daalo - Don't put your brains into this

This one's my favourite!

bhaagte bhoot ki langot pakadna - catching the underwear of the running ghost

Golden rules of Mumbai local trains!

I have been travelling on Mumbai's local trains (or EMUs as they are called technically) ever since I was 12yrs old. Those days, the travel time (to school) was limited to just 5 minutes. Later as I joined junior college, the travel time (and time of travel) increased to around 20min. When I joined engineering college, the travel time (one way!) went up to a whopping hour and a half!! These days, the travel time to work is about 30-40 min.

Anyway, the purpose behind these statistics is to give you an idea that I have done some fair amount of travelling on the Mumbai local trains and have experienced and learnt the five golden rules or truths of travelling in a Mumbai local:

1) Always allow passengers to board the train first (especially during peak hours although the instructions outside say exactly the opposite) :-)

2) Never travel in a Virar fast local to Borivali during the evening peak hours even though it stops there! You will end up getting a free unsolicited ride upto Dahisar - the next halt.

3) Board a slow train if you want to get down at a halt. Board a fast train if you want to get down between halts.

4) The popularity of roof-top travel has eliminated the need for air-conditioning!

5) The value of a First Class season pass is around four times that of a Second Class pass. The snob value of a First Class traveller however is ten times higher!! :-))

Indianisms

The word – “Indianism” is heard & discussed quite frequently at our office. I don’t know how many of us have heard of this term but it means the literal translation of what we speak in our regional languages into English. Although, most of us do it unknowingly, it creates quite a funny situation when speaking to Westerners. Here are some examples of what I mean.

What is your good name? (Aap ka shubh naam kya hai?)
*** Yeah like my parents gave me a good and a bad name!!

Morning morning I came here (Main subah subah yahaan aaya)
*** How many mornings were there today?

You want to install the software no? (Aap ko software install karna hai na?)
*** Do I say yes or no to that?

Can u tell me what is the exact issue you are facing today?
*** The only thing I am facing right now is this damn computer!!

My head is turned because of this (mera sar phira hua hai!!)
*** WHAT???

I am liking it very much
*** Are you still liking it??

This is the best one. One day, a tech support agent in a reputed multinational company was helping a customer connect a printer to his computer. Imagine the customer’s consternation when the agent told him,

“Please put the plug in your backside!”

Pepsi TV

A few weeks ago, I saw this ad on TV about - Pepsi TV. Now, I have had my share of the "bubbly" as SRK calls it but an all new channel dedicated to the dark fizzy? What would it air? Documentaries on how cola is made? Benefits of drinking cola? Cola-Operas? Cola wrestling?

This mystery was solved today as I was sipping a bottle of what else? Pepsi.....Pepsi TV is any TV Channel you watch while sipping Pepsi!! How exciting!!! Imagine your wife watching those boring soap operas and you pop open a bottle of Pepsi and voila..........your saas bahus turn into Kareena & Priyanka and you have.....Pepsi TV!

Now just imagine the whole new range of channels you will start getting! Dukes Lemonade TV, Frooti TV, Limca TV and what not.........Damn, I won't mind watching the humble Nimbu Paani TV sometimes ;-)

Now who on earth thought of this ad campaign? Have the employees at the ad agency all gone one strike? Or is it a covert attempt by Sprite at espionage to create havoc in its competitor's camp? How soon before the "Clear Hai" drink comes up with another one-upping take on this one?

Yeh dil surely doesn't maange more!!

The Start

Hey All,

I finally decided to create my own blog and this is my first post. Bouquets and brickbats are welcome.........Bouquets, I'll keep but beware of the brickbats because I am gonna throw them back at you :-)

So here I am sitting at the office on a Wednesday night and penning err.. keying my thoughts. I actually spent twenty minutes thinking about what I would name this blog. All my bright ideas were already taken by someone else and for a moment I thought that I would name it as "No Name" but sadly - that was taken as well :-(

Was in the cafeteria sometime back and India has just won the second ODI against Pakistan at Abu Dhabi. The 2 match series ended at a score of 1-1. Is it just me or was this scoreline decided in advance?? Inzamam was run-out for probably the trillionth time in his career. . . . Has someone ever thought of awarding the poor guy a Guiness or atleast a Limca record for the highest number of run outs??

So, coming back to this blog, whats it gonna be about? Well stray words (& sentences & paragraphs) from my imagination, memory and basically anything that I come across. So if you don't have something better to do with your time, drop in........it won't hurt......much!!!